Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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