Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
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