Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Houston, we have a blender
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
