So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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