Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
