Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
