You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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