It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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