i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
