She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
of course. lets lasso hookers.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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