I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
