K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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