Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
