We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
