remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
