I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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