READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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