I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
