Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
