I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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