I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize