Is it normal to miss your booty call?
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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