Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Come on in and take your pants off
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