Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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