is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Randomize
