I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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