you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
