i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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