dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
