I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
