i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I just had sex on a roof
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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