Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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