Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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