sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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