We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
