you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
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I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
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I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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