Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
