I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
