Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
