RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm both gender and math confused
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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