I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
