respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
