i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
