i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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