Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
We left an ass print on the piano.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
