the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
