It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
