He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize