I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
