I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
