whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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