I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
