I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
