she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
