the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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