Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
