stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
