I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
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I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
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I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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