I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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