For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
