K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
